First of all, hello, and how are we all today? As a new member in this forum, I hope that we all get along well.
Secondly, I apologize for my lack of Arabic, but my skills at writing are almost nonexistent. I can, however, read Arabic well enough, so let this be not a barrier in our path.
Third, my introduction. I am an Arab woman, 21 years of age, who has lived abroad all her life, save for 2 years spent in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, from 2003 to 2005. I am currently studying psychology in Europe, and hope to be a therapist, insha-Allah.
I hope we have no difficulty communicating.
Ladies, it is now summer, and as we all know, that is when people leave the heat to vacation somewhere. Every year, I tell myself that I was catastrophizing, that there was absolutely no way that what I see is that bad. And every year I am proven wrong.
My studies in psychology have intensified this year, so in an effort to understand what is going on, I scoured my theory books, and questioned many people, both Arab, and not.
The results are summarized in this essay.
Please note that this is a biased work, focused mostly on my opinion, and based on what I have observed as practically an outsider. You may think differently, and I respect that, as long as the fact that I have a different opinion is respected.
Also note that I have grossly generalized, and am very aware that there are many many exceptions.
But from my point of view, this is the mainstream.
I am also aware that the phrase "social decay" might be a tad overreactive, but I have always been a dramatic person.
I now present to you my essay.
~*~
Let us try a little exercise. Go ahead. Ask someone, anyone, what they think is causing the moral and social decay that is plaguing our area. What answers do you get? Don't worry, I'll be right here when you get back.
...
...
...
Are you back? Alright, what kind of answers did you get? Knowing our people, they would likely be one of the following:
1. Imitating the west.
2. Exposure to satellite channels.
3. New technology, like mobile phones, portable computers, and readily available, fast internet.
4. “Bad” friends
5. Lack of religion.
Did I miss anything there?
Does anyone else notice what these things have in common? Does anyone not notice what is missing?
These things all throw the blame out. It's an outside thing. What these reasons are saying is, “The problem's all the way out there!” or “It's their problem, not mine. I'm alright. My children are alright. We are nothing like those delinquents.” And this “fact” holds true in their heads until the precious darling is arrested for something. And sometimes not even then. He could always be misguided, can he not?
Is the problem not our problem, but their problem? If everyone says this (and no one is going to admit to having a problem, or that their offspring have a problem), where is this massive decay of everything that separates humans from animals coming from?
In a living body, cells come together to form organs. Various organs come together to make a system. All these systems come together to make the organism. The same holds true for society. Individuals come together to form families. Families form communities, and communities form society. What happens when an organ is stricken? Do other systems think, “Hey, that's a vascular problem. It has nothing to do with us, the digestive system!”? Obviously, not. Simple diseases like a cold, while it only affects the respiratory system, also affect things like appetite. White blood cells increase, even though they are part f the immune system, not the respiratory system. The entire body moves to right the wrong in the body. No “Hey, not our problem!”
As it should be in society.
Allow me to present the ecological model.
Individual > Family/Friends (People I care for) > Community > Society.
This model is simple. It shows the layers around the problem. It also shows the way problems radiate; starting with the individual and not, as people think, in society. Our problem is we do not admit that the state of decay is close to us. It's always “out there” in the society. Has anyone ever admitted, to themselves, or to others, that they, or someone close could be a problem?
The list of “sources” I have listed at the beginning is all pointing to how the problem is a force, while the individuals doing things that are unacceptable as just poor, misguided youth, straying from the right path because of American movies or bad friends. Oh, how we feel sadness at their plight!
It is known that children start forming the moral code they live on fairly early in life. And, when I say early, I mean school age, around 5 to 7 years old. Quite young, yes? Now, some grow to challenge the code their parents instilled in them, but usually, they do not stray very far when they form a set of rules to live by (around late adolescence to early adulthood).
Now, until a child in our society is old enough to be dumped into the negligent lap of the educational system (now, that needs an essay all its own!), the child is not really taught much. When he is not staring blankly at the TV (and who knows what he is watching), he is left with a domestic worker from south or south east Asia (and who knows what those women are teaching or telling him). A case study: a child in my brother's kindergarten was suspected of being retarded, or having profound learning difficulties. It was discovered later that he spoke neither Arabic nor English, but Tagalog. Let's give his mother an award shall we? The saints of today, preparing the generation of tomorrow!
For added ironic effect, if you talk to this woman, all she rants about is how wrong it is to leave our children with domestic workers. I had to leave the room, I was unable to control myself.
Now, as I said before, I have many nitpicks about the educational system. I will lightly touch on them here, in this context.
What are children taught in schools? What was that? Math? Science? Language? How very good! Yes, these things are important, and I am not being sarcastic. But does anyone else notice what all the subjects have in common? Why, they are all academic.
“But,” I hear many say, “the academics are important! How else will our sweet darlings be able to get into college and get a proper job?”
I do not say the academic subjects are not important. They are, in fact, very important. The problem is they have become so important that we define a child's worth by their abilities in these subjects!
What I am trying to say is that as soon as a child reaches school age, emotional, social and psychological growth and improvements move out of the spotlight, letting their academic abilities steal the stage. So many of these children learn to read, to write, to solve mathematical equations, but they do not learn how to work as a team, how to take turns, or how to help each other reach their goals and overcome obstacles. According to Adlerian development, this is a very negative lifestyle.
Would it hurt to organize team sports for children to play? How about team activities and projects?
In the end, children spend as much as a third of their waking day in schools, if not more. At this stage, they are taken away from their parents (assuming said parents are teaching and socializing them properly), and put in the hands of teachers who are more likely to traumatize them than to encourage proper emotional growth. Now, I am not saying that all teachers are like that, but a large number are. They act as sweet as honey when parents are around, but as soon as they are not, they turn to bitter poison that is slowly but surely destroy the children in their care for most of the day, and most of the week.
And we wonder why these children never develop an interest in learning and discovering for themselves.
Now, enough of that. Let's go on to the next stage. Adolescence; the most stereotyped and misunderstood.
According to Erikson, at each stage of life, here is a conflict that must be resolved, for better or worse, in order to maintain the development of an ego identity, that being “the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction”. Each stage in Erikson’s theory is concerned with becoming competent in an area of life. And adolescence is the time most young people discover for themselves who they really are. He calls this stage Identity versus Role Confusion. About.com's definition is as follows: “During adolescence, children are exploring their independence and developing a sense of self. Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and a feeling of independence and control. Those who remain unsure of their beliefs and desires will insecure and confused about themselves and the future.”
Now, you probably all say, “But there is nothing wrong with our identity!”
You are wrong. There is everything wrong with people's so called “identity”.
Why does everyone have the same “taste” in clothing, more or less? In vacation locations (come on, people. Malaysia, Geneva, Paris, London)? In music (if they listen to it)?
More importantly, why is someone who has developed a different identity scorned and almost ostracized from their society, and if not ostracized, then gossiped about and ridiculed?
Our culture has a very basic equation that it follows.
If you are like everyone else = Good.
If you dare to do something new = Bad! Bad! Bad!
An example of this happened about three or four years ago. Now, I love hats. I wear hats. I have many hats. My cowboy hat is wonderful for transporting small or tricky articles of clothing such as socks, gloves, and scarves. So I brought my favorite, my cowboy hat with me when I went back to visit the family. When one of my relatives saw the hat, she laughed, as if it was a joke (and no, it was not a huge ten gallon hat. It was a small cowboy hat). She then dated me to wear it in front of people, even offering to give me five hundred riyals to do so. Needless to say, I did. She was absolutely dumbfounded, not believing that anyone would do something “like that”.
Like what, exactly? Having a different fashion sense? Why is it that people are offended when they see someone who is different? I'd understand confused, but offended? It's quite confounding.
If the adolescents are so cognitively simple that they cannot comprehend the possibility of difference at that age, can you blame them for being basic, simple, and only after their own gratification?
Enough of that. Let us go on to the next stage. Early adulthood. In every other country I have been in, and by talking to my multi-national classmates, I have come to the conclusion that Arabs are the only ones who graduate from university as a tabula rasa, a blank slate. And what do I mean by that? Has a single one of them ever worked a day in their lives before graduation and needing a job? Very few, if any. Why why why? Why can't any of them appreciate the usefulness of experience? Without the experience of some part-time work, how are they expected to put up with the stress of full-time work? Without the early socialization of working in groups for a common goal instead of working alone for their own gain, how are they expected to work together in any environment. My own family thinks I am mad for working as I study, and for planning on taking a year off to get proper work before going on to finish my graduate degree. Am I now so different from the mainstream? I cannot maintain a proper, serious conversation with Arabs my age because they feel immature to me, like highschoolers instead of university students. I get along much better with those who have already graduated and found a job.
Yet at this stage, the idea of marriage and starting a family start creeping in. Now wait a minute. These people are still without worldly experience (also thanks to our good friend, the educational system), and have been pretty much entirely reliant on their families to provide everything for them; food, clothes, even housekeeping! And yet they are starting to entertain the possibility of marrying someone (probably as reliant on their families as they are) and flounce off to establish a household? Not to mention that many people do not learn how to compromise or sacrifice in a healthy manner, or know how to sit down and have an adult, intellectual discussion about what has displeased and upset them. No, never that. Either they agree 100% on everything, or they are “too different” to get along, and separate. And people wonder why divorce is so high. I myself am not surprised to see the change in statistics over 20 years.
Now, I think I have taken up quite a bit of time writing this. I know it is extremely general, and does not go much into detail. I have some other theories and ideas that I might write, somethings much more specific and in depth.
As I have stated before, my skills in writing Arabic are quite abysmal, but I am very capable of reading and understanding, so do not let language be a bar to feedback. I really wish to know what people think of this.
but i just wanna to say welcome to our forum ..
hope you enjoy with us
:26::26: